Positive Memories

After someone dies even thinking about them can hurt so much you can’t face it. Your mind may be crowded with images, thoughts and negative memories associated with their illness and circumstances of the actual death. It is easy to keep re-living the final distressing memories and forget all the good things you experienced together.

As time passes you will begin to be able to remember things in a much less painful way. You probably have years of happy memories connected to the person you have lost.

In the case of children it is vital that the people they have lost are remembered in the most positive way possible. You can help children by creating a ‘memory box’ which contains photos, DVD and mementoes. They can open the box when they want to remember and you can carry out activities such as writing to the person they have lost.

Remembering is very important. Continue to celebrate and remember anniversaries. In the run up to the birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas or anniversary of the death you may feel nervous or anxious but this can be a really special time when you just focus on sharing happy stories and memories of the person who has gone.

You can mark the occasion in any way you see fit from a quiet personal trip to the grave to a full blown party with family and friends. It is important to remember the good times and replace the bad memories with more positive ones.

You can also create new anniversaries and traditions which help you to remember the person who has died.

You can set up permanent memorials that are not associated with cemeteries. The Woodland Trust will plant a tree as a memorial.

You can also find more information from the National Association of Memorial Masons and memorials by artists here.

You may want to purchase or commission a special piece of garden sculpture to mark the sprinkling of ashes or to celebrate a life.

You shouldn’t run away from your memories but you can face them in your own time, you can even choose a special place where you go to. Some people like to make a donation to charity as a lasting and positive memorial to the person who has died.