Life After Infidelity

If you discover your partner has been unfaithful but want to save your relationship then here is some advice from people who have experienced infidelity:

  1. Don't make hasty decisions - you are still in shock. You should take some time to think.
  2. If you want to make it work then your partner needs to stop seeing the other party. This requires complete honesty from them and a degree of trust on your part. If they don't agree to do this or you then find out they are seeing them again it is less likely you will be able to save the relationship.
  3. Blame isn't very useful. You need to express how you feel - angry, sad, unhappy, hurt etc. but constantly pointing the finger and dragging the infidelity up at every opportunity will mean you remain in a place of anger and hurt. If you have decided to try to continue together you need to find a way to deal with the event and move on from it, rather than defining the rest of your relationship by it.
  4. Rebuilding your relationship is going to take time, the first step is finding out why your partner was unfaithful. Is there an underlying problem? Are they still in love with you? Is the relationship the real cause of the unhappiness? If your partner cannot talk honestly to you about the reasons then there is little chance of moving forward.
  5. Decide what you need - do you want things to stay the same or are there some relationship changes you would like to make at this time? What needs to be different to make sure infidelity is not repeated?
  6. Trust is difficult to regain but you have to try if you want your relationship to succeed. The person who has been unfaithful must expect to have to prove they can be trusted again - they may need to account for their movements or company in a way they have never had to before.
  7. If you think you need help to move on then organisations such as Relate can provide expertise on these issues. 

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